Filling in the Blanks: It Doesn't Get Easier
by Misa1124
Summary: When the light in Scott Summers' life is extinguished, he wonders if the dream is still worth fighting for. Enter Rogue.


Disclaimer: I don't own the X-Men. All characters used were borrowed and twisted to my liking.

Timeline: A possible future

Character Focus: Scott and Rogue

It Doesn't Get Easier

I wasn't sure how I got out to the gazebo.

Hell, I don't remember much after my heart broke into a million pieces.

At least I've stopped crying. Now I just feel angry, cheated.

Why? Why did it have to happen? Why did it have to happen to her? To me?

This wasn't how I imagined life to be.

I can still remember the day it all started. Six months to the day it was. It had started out as a run of the mill rescue mission. Or so we thought. We received word that the Friends of Humanity, the anti-mutant brigade that had been a thorn in our sides since we saved the world from Apocalypse, had kidnapped a bunch of mutant children and were holding them hostage in some sort of concentration camp. Our job was to get them out alive.

Seven of us were sent on that mission: Jean, Storm, Rogue, Wolverine, Shadowcat, Nightcrawler and myself. Funny how it was all first generation X-Men. Kitty and Kurt were in charge of getting the kids out. Jean and Storm were to provide outside protection while the rest of us took out as many guards as we could on the inside. I admit, I was confident that we would be home before bedtime. Between Wolverine and Rogue, the guards didn't stand a chance. Rogue had gained her new abilities before then. Six years prior she had been captured and experimented on. When Remy found her three months after her abduction, the secret to mastering her absorption had been unlocked, but not before she permanently gained the abilities of flight, super strength and near invulnerability.

It wasn't until we entered the building did we realize it was a trap.

The abandoned warehouse was not a concentration camp. There were no FOH guards. Just a circle of fifteen sentinels surrounding a group of scared little kids. My mind starting working overtime. Through the mental link Jean had established for all of us I relayed my plan. Kurt would teleport Kitty to the kids. Jean would 'tell' them all to latch onto Kitty so she could phase them all to safety with the rest of us providing the distraction. Everyone tried to assure me for weeks on end that it was a good plan.

If it was so good, how did we lose four kids?

When they died, something in Jean snapped. I know she was still linked to them to try and keep them calm so she felt them die. She had felt what it was like to die. Ororo said Jean had howled in agony as she collapsed to the ground while the rest of us heard her mental anguish through the link. After the sentinels blasted away the building around us, I caught a glimpse of Ororo cradling Jean in her arms while trying to help us fight the giant robots. Rogue was zipping in and out, trying to coerce two of the sentinels into knocking out each other. Logan had already lost it, pulverizing anything in his way. Kitty and Kurt had the remaining children, trying their best to protect them with no offensive powers.

It soon became evident that we were sorely outmatched. Just as I was about to call the retreat, a near-blinding light flooded the scene. I turned to see my beloved Jean, hovering in the air, her hair flailing about and her body aglow in some sort of eternal flame. I'd never seen such rage in her eyes or heard such hatred in her voice as she yelled out, "This ends now!" There was nothing I could do but watch in awe as the flame around her spread over the entire field like the wings of a bird and envelop us all in its embrace. Around me I could hear the machines exploding and feel the tremors as they crashed to the ground. And then suddenly, everything went silent.

Opening my eyes, I immediately sought Jean. She was still suspending in the air, looking like a goddess bathed in that ethereal glow she was somehow emitting. Rogue hovered not far off, mouth agape as she surveyed the damaged around us. Tearing my gaze from Jean, I looked for the others. Logan looked stupefied, almost as if he was unwilling to believe such power came from one person. Storm had already moved towards the children, her motherly instincts kicking in as she made sure they were unharmed. Kurt was helping Kitty to her feet; she was knocked down at some point during the fight. Satisfied that my team was okay, I followed Rogue's example and took a look at the fallen sentinels. Or what was left of them. The field looked like a metal junkyard. Looking at the debris that littered the ground, it was hard to believe that together they used to comprise fifteen robots.

Seeing the mess only increased my concern for Jean. So many questions had started swirling around my head, only to be chased away when I heard her call through our unique rapport. I ran to her just in time to have her fall into my arms.

The next day she christened herself with her new codename: Phoenix.

I knew today would come, as much as I didn't want it to. Everyday since the day she evolved, Jean had been growing more and more out of control. It was like she was two people in one body. One part of her was the same old Jean, calm, controlled and compassionate. The other part, Phoenix, was more reckless, more dangerous. Especially during missions. It was like she enjoyed the pain she inflicted on others. Our marriage strained as the dark side of her became dominant but I refused to believe that she couldn't be saved.

Today Jean proved me wrong.

A group of renegade mutants were threatening to destroy the White House and all its inhabitants. We were able to subdue them and save the people, but Phoenix wasn't satisfied. She wanted to kill the other mutants. We moved to restrain her but that only turned her rage on us. Soon we found ourselves battling one of our own. I tried reasoning with her but my pleas went ignored. One by one, she incapacitated us until I was the last one standing. I refused to fight her, though. I just stood there, ready to take whatever punishment she had in mind. As I steeled myself against the impending pain, Jean took control of herself and flew into my arms, tears streaming down her face. She told me she was struggling to keep control and that she couldn't keep fighting it. She told me she needed to end it now. I knew what she meant and I begged her not to do it. I tried to convince her that she could do it, that we could find a way but we both knew I was wrong. I held her tight until she pushed me away and rose high into the air where I couldn't reach her. Through our rapport she said her final goodbye and I yelled at her not to go. All I could do was watch as she engulfed herself in a bright golden flame and winked herself out of existence.

Somehow we ended up back home and now I'm out here, alone.

Until someone put a cup of coffee in my hands.

I looked up as saw Rogue, still dressed in her battle gear, sit down across from me. She didn't say anything, just sat their drinking from her own cup. As much as I wanted to be alone, I welcomed her presence. I know she didn't expect me to say anything but I started talking anyway.

"I can't feel her. The link's gone."

Her face softened in understanding but she didn't comment.

"I don't think I'll ever get over this."

"Sugah, Ah wear a trench coat an' my wedding ring. Does it look like Ah'm over it?"

Despite what I said, she had the grace to smile. I really stuck my foot in my mouth on that one. Remy was killed in battle two years ago. I remembered trying to comfort her about it. She politely told me that we could discuss it when I knew what it felt like to be in her shoes. We never talked about it again. Guess I know why she's here now.

"Does it ever get easier?"

"Not for me," she replied honestly. "Some days, Ah don't know what keeps me goin', what keeps me here. Some nights, Ah miss him so much it hurts an' Ah cry 'til Ah can't cry anymore. But Ah promised him that Ah wouldn't stop living, no matter how hard it was. Ah think Jean would want the same for you."

I didn't respond. As much as I knew she was right, I was still having a hard time accepting the fact that she was gone.

Rogue ignored the silence and continued talking. "It's okay to be angry, y'know. Lord knows Ah was. Angry at myself for not savin' him, angry at the bastards we fought. Ah was even angry at you for sendin' us on that mission. But most of all, Ah was mad at him for dyin'. For leavin' me when he promised he wouldn't."

"So why did you stay?" If I was thinking of leaving, there had to be a good reason for Rogue to stay behind.

"Ah almost left. Ah wanted to track down his killers and give 'em my brand o' justice. But then, Jean, of all people, sat me down and put some stuff in perspective. She asked me all these questions. What would be the point? Would it really be worth it? To leave this all behind? To let those killers take out another person fighting for our dream? To dishonor everything Remy and Ah had fought so hard for 'til he died? Then she tried that reverse psychology shit about me runnin' away all the time, like it was my only solution in life. Ah know it sounds corny an' stuff but she actually convinced me to hang out a little longer. She said leavin' wasn't gonna make livin' less lonely. As much as Ah hated her for it at the time, she was right."

"Hmph. She was always good at that manipulative stuff. Perks of a telepath I suppose." I wasn't entirely convinced that sticking around would be best right now but some of what Rogue stayed at the forefront of my mind.

When she stood abruptly I thought I had hit a nerve and prepared for an accompanying retort. "Look, Ah ain't out here to convince ya to stay or lie to ya and say it'll get better and stop hurting because it doesn't. But even though losin' Remy was the end of the world for me, it wasn't the end of the world for everyone else. So Ah either had to suck it up or quit, and if Ah learned anythin' livin' here it's that X-men don't quit. Ah didn't want to be the first to break that rule and I know you don't want to be either."

She didn't say good-bye or offer me a hug, which almost made me smile. Instead she was blunt and honest and flat out told me that everything wouldn't be okay.

And in some odd way, it made me feel a little bit better.

**********

A.N.:

So that's my take on why Remy wasn't shown with the future team and why Rogue was sporting a trench coat.


End file.
